In lieu

What can go in place of the me, the familiar thoughts and feelings that consume my waking hours, and cause me to not be fully present in my body, in my interactions with others, in the world? Sometimes it feels so hopeless. I hate feeling the way I do. However, I’m not sure how realistic [...]

Intrusive thoughts

Intrusive thoughts of my mother and family may have a functional component that I’ve never before considered. These incessant little memories make me feel bad and they stop me from doing things I need to do. I realized the other day that although this seems to be their primary function, there may be more to [...]

Curiosity

Are you not afraid of me? I who just spoke of my destructive tendencies, my monstrosity, my evil self. You used the same used to describe your mother.

Ticker-tape

It runs closer to the surface these days. The incessant dialogue in which I engage in futile attempts to argue and untangle my way to freedom.
I felt hopeless tonight and a twinge of desire to self-harm when Paul told me that he feels guilty about not contacting his grandmother who abandoned him to live with [...]